GET DICKMATIZED: THE PORNO BOBBIE PORN AWARDS

He has a calling, this tiny, smart phone brandishing, adults-only package of sunshine we call Porno Bobbie. Starting from a gig swabbing down jack-off booths in a Santa Barbara porn shop as an undergrad — a job that afforded him ample downtime to educate himself on the skin market’s offerings — and with time spent working with actress cum producer Lynn LeMay under his (often unfastened) belt, he’s risen through the ranks of the adult film world. Mainly off-camera, of course. Bobbie’s a man on a mission: to get porn stars the hype and love they deserve.

Porno Bobbie crossed AHDM4U’s path in his current role as talent coordinator at Kink.com, where he wrangles subs and dommes for the world’s largest BDSM website. A porn socialite, a porn encyclopedia — call Bobbie what you like, the man knows more than anyone about who can take a foot up their ass, which models can field five dicks and an electric butt plug with aplomb, which BTS angle the Twitterverse will most appreciate of Kink’s most recent locker room gang bang.

It’s not just that he’s happy to share his lifestyle with his avid followers — Porno Bobbie does what he does because he’s a superfan, a man with a plan to spread the glory of switch-hitting Adonises and ladies who bring runway class to DP scenes. So for AHDM4U’s first Sex Issue on deck, we asked Bobbie to bestow honors on the sex dieties most worthy in this year of 2013.

He, ahem, didn’t hold back. A note before we get started, from the man himself: 

I hope you enjoy these five incredible adult performers and truly encourage you all to look them up, bust out that lube and make yourself feel good. Be sure to follow all my porno adventures! I promise you lot’s of pretty buttholes and dick!

THE PORNO BOBBIE PORN AWARDS!!

THE BIG DICK BITCH AWARD: TS MADISON!!

Man, this gurl has it ALL: Gigantic, voluptuous titties, cute hair, an ass so phat when she makes it clap in Atlanta or bounces on a big dick, it causes an earthquake. Also, Madison ain’t playing when it comes to her dick, which she uses to annihilate a spectrum of hungry, horny men.  Not only does she give good dick, she can take good dick too!

I first had the pleasure of finding this Southern gem while scrolling through my Vine feed and I have been obsessed ever since.  Madison has a huge following and watching some of the reaction to her posts on Vine are hilarious.  I would totally want to kick it with Mz Big Dick Bitch.  Shit, I bet she is a riot to be around!  TS Madison, if — when — I get to meet you in person, I have no doubt it will rock my fucking world.

FUCK ME/FUCK YOU AWARD: TRENTON DUCATI!!

Man oh man is this babe a fucking gay porn god and superstar! Trenton is a male porn god: brooding good looks, big, thick cock that curves to the left, muscles on every inch of his body, and one of the most insanely shaped asses that needs to be fucked, licked and sitting on my face.

In 2013 Trenton has won Performer of the Year at the Grabby and XBIZ Awards and he is winning the the hearts and cum loads from all his fans around the world.

I loved when he got fucked by porn bloke Paddy O’Brien for Men at Play, and when he fucks Tate Ryder after Tate shoots water out of his hole in Lucas Entertainment’s Push it Out — so hot and raunchy!

Watching him give and take dick is breathtaking. His Kink.com debut in Men on Edge is ridiculous! He’s tied up, bound, teased and gets his cock worked over so tremendously I get the chills just thinking about all the wild ungodly things I would do to him If I had the opportunity to edge him. Trenton, totally #killmeth (that’d be his do-gooding message of hope, y’all) and FUCK ME/I NEED TO FUCK YOU NOW!

Oh yeah, here’s a pic of AHDM4U’s Kelly Lovemonster, Trenton and I getting into some wild shenanigans.

UNDERRATED CUUUUUUTE PORNO BABE AWARD: ANA FOXXX!!

This is one of the cuuuuuutest girls in porn that you ALL should get to know and start paying attention to! Before getting into porn, Ana was a runway model — by the looks from this picture I snagged from her Instagram you can see that she has “it.” However, I am so thankful she went from the runway to the porn set, letting us salivate to her cuteness more openly in the process. Every time she has come up to shoot for Kink.com she strolls in with a wonderful attitude and delightful smile that makes me melt. We get to see her fantastic frame get a nice workout from Ariel X in one of Ana’s Foot Worship scenes for Kink.

Porn companies, we need more Ana Foxxx porn for our masturbatory pleasures!

OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE MOST P E R F E C T AWARD: MANUEL FERRARA!! 

If you watch porn (don’t lie I know you do) chances are you have come across a smoking hot scene with this well-endowed Frenchman. Whenever I mention Manuel to some of my favorite girls in porn they pretty much squeal with delight. Who can blame them? He’s ungodly beautiful. His accent is killer and his smile … when his lip curls up … ooo la la!

Manuel started off as just an extra pretty dick in European orgy scenes to a four-time AVN winner for best male porn star. Not only is he one of the most sought after performers he also has a successful career as a director/producer of his own films for Evil Angel. Oh, the way he looks into Princess Donna’s eyes as he impales his uncut manhood up her booty hole in Kink.com’s Everything Butt. Le sigh …

We’d been dying to get Manuel to shoot with Kink and our chance meeting at the AVN Awards this year made it happen! Thank you Manuel for being so charismatic while at the same time so rough when you fuck! It’s so inspirational. Keep working them girly holes for us all.

DUUUUUH BITCH, GET ON YOUR KNEES AND SUCH THAT GIANT UNCUT DICK AWARD: TIM KRUGER!!

The first time I ever set eyes on Tim Kruger was on the box cover of the Hot House compilation: Ever since then he has dickmatized me — I knew I had found my pretend porno husband. Then, I came across his website Tim Tales. I swear, I locked myself in my room for weeks beating off until my nuts shriveled up from lack of sperm babies. If I were in the same room as Tim it would be very hard to keep myself from getting on my knees and starting to slurp up that dick.

Then….this happened:

Getting a naked Tim Kruger photo directly from the stud himself made me cum in my pants. This is probably one of the highlights of my life on Twitter and life in general.

Tim, if you read this, I just want to let you know that whenever anyone is in your presence, naked or dressed, they should just get on their knees and suck your precious cock. With no hesitation. You and that gigantic slab of uncut beef of yours need satisfaction all day every day!